'One year later. How do we assess where we are?'


*parent voice* what’s so interesting on that computer of yours?

05/60 favourite x factor preformance Chasing Cars

"A lot of people don’t want to be a leader, they want to be a boss."


I want to meet someone who makes me feel the way music does

(Source: elptix)


*shoves metaphor up ur asshole* its a cigarette

Anonymous asked:
you're adorable, just thought i should let you know

Thank you, darling.

I wish I knew who you were so I could compliment you, but until I find out, I hope you have a wonderful day! 

I find myself searching for those who have come and gone.

My whole life people have come and gone. Friends, pets, family, no one ever seems to stay. I’ve gotten used to it for most of the people that leave simply because they don’t stay long. But then you get those people who come into your life and stay for years on end, and then one day they’re just gone. No explanation, no reasoning, nothing. Gone, just like that. I’ve never understood that. How could someone you care about and that cares about you be in your life for years and then just decide you’re not worth it anymore? You’re not worth the disagreeing, the arguing, I maybe understand. But you not being worth the laughter and the joy that you brought into that person’s life? How could someone just up and decided they don’t want that laughter and joy in their life anymore?

For quite awhile, I was in a bad place when people left, and I understood that more. Why would they want to sit and be friends with that sad girl? What’s the point in sticking around if all I’m going to do is push you away? Why keep trying? I understand needing to get out of an unhealthy friendship for I have had to do that myself.

But what I can’t seem to figure out is how people leave when you’re better. I’ve had a few friends that have stuck it out with me through the things I’ve put them through and I am ever so grateful that they have continued to be there. So why is it lately, that I’ve gotten better but people still leave? Starting about a year ago, things started getting better. I started understanding both myself, and what I had done to so many people and that changed everything for me. That changed how I started treating my friends again because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t lose any of them anymore.

Within this past year, I’ve lost two of my closer friends. Perhaps one was coming all along and I just didn’t want to believe it. The fighting picked up here and there, but never in a million years would I peg him as someone who could just give up on me.

“You’re my best friend,” “We’ll always be in each other’s lives,” “I love you.”

Did those words simply become lies that he fed me? Did he ever even mean them at all? Was I stupid enough to be friends with him for 5 ½ years if he was simply lying to me the whole time? What did I do wrong with him? He saw me go through 5 ½ years of torment and just when I’m starting to get out of that darkness he up and leaves. Does that mean I’m simply fooling myself into thinking I’m doing better? Does he see me as that horrible person still? Am I that horrible person still, just faking it for myself? Did he not want to see me get better? Did he not want to see me how I am now? Did he think I couldn’t do it? Did he believe I was lying when I said I’ve changed? Why did he leave?

The other friend? Is he even gone? Was he even here in the first place? I’ve fought with this friend too, and it’s the one relationship I regret fighting with, the few times we did. I was hurt, I was angry, I was sad, but that’s no reason to fight with anyone. I understand that now, but perhaps it’s too late for this friend. I don’t know if he knows that I’m doing better. I don’t talk to him much anymore. We still see each other and talk but things aren’t like they used to be. But does that mean that he left me? Or has life simply swept him off his feet and carried him a bit too far out of reach of me. Was he sick of helping me when I needed it? Does he not think he can help me anymore? Does he not want to help me anymore? Why did he get so close to me and then drop me? Were we ever really close in the first place or did I imagine it? Why?

The past year has been one hell of a year. I graduated high school, went off to college and (FINALLY) became independent of living at home. Then I decided college wasn’t for me so I moved back home at the beginning of this year and have been pretty well off since then. A year, and I went from this little shy and quiet girl that barely hung out with people, to this girl that is breaking the “norm” and not taking the track of college. I know what I want, and it’s finally in my reach. I can’t tell you the last time I fought with a friend, for I have learn so much about friendship over the last few years, and even more within this last year. So why do people still walk out of my life?

I’m doing better and these people that have been in my life for years are still deciding to walk away. 

Am I actually even doing better or an I simply fooling myself?